Reflections

This week marks the final week I will probably take off for chemotherapy recovery. I finished with the last treatment a week ago Thursday and have been "lounging" all week. I feel as though my brain has been muddled. When I try to do things, I can't concentrate or get much done, and soon I'm lounging in my chair watching a favorite movie or tv show, or staring off into space, petting a kitty. I know my brain cells will recover or at least rewire in the next few weeks, just find it very strange to wake up each morning and know that I didn't accomplish anything the day before! It hasn't even been much of a spiritual experience for me. I had hoped it would be, that I would find meaning to life, to come to a new understanding of who Jesus is in my life, but I find my mind dull and unwieldy, unable to comprehend simple things and unwilling to try any harder. Doing chores, truly being a chore and zapping my energy. I expected great joy at the end of this part of the journey, but find I'm not that impressed, have many more doubts than answers and wish I could get out of the funk.

Monday I start the next part of this journey, the radiation oncology part. I meet with my radiation oncologist on Monday to discuss the plan that will unfold over the next month or two. I know that it will take radiation of the breast area every day 5 days a week for 5-6 weeks before we go into the next phase which is taking a drug called Arimidex for 5 years every day. This is the magic bullet pill that puts my survival statistics in the high 85% after 5 years, or I should say statistically low recurrence rate.

Statistics are not people, so I expect to just live my life as normal, maybe with an eye a little more watchful for bumps and lumps, but I don't expect to become super hypochondriac lady! I'm planning on traveling, enjoying my grandchildren, teaching the Feldenkrais Method®  

Plans will change, life will throw tomatoes and I will continue to love my Jesus as best I know how! For those of you who read this, know that I appreciate your prayers, your food, your thoughts, your help, all you have been willing to give to me during this stage of the journey. I just pray that I will have the energy, good grace and kindness to pass on to others as I have so richly received.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you and grant you peace today!